One of the first...

I was working as the report editor, I only had a handful of analysts submitting reports. It was my first time working with my old flight in about a month or so, it was good to work with them again. I was having a good time and the analysts were making very few mistakes. Next to me was A1C D and 2 seats down was A1C G between the two was A1C L. D and I were making many 'mom jokes' and 'that's what she said jokes', it was a great time. It is very rare for me to joke with airmen this much at work, but for some reason I was in a really good mood, so I was in rare form!

G submitted a report that was completely jacked up. I called him over and told him to tell me what was wrong with it. He pointed out 2 or 3 things, but missed a BIG mistake. I said, "Good job on those, now how about the elephant in the report, What the hell is that? I pointed to the mistake as I said this. He started responding, "Well I-I-I thought that it might be correct." My smart ass comment, "Well your first mistake was typing it, your second mistake was thinking that you were correct. Now read the report guide and fix it then resubmit it, if it is still wrong when I get it back Im deleting it and you'll have to start from scratch." He tried to continue, "Well I-I-I.." I interrupted, "It is wrong, now fix it and quick screwing up! Get back to your chair and get to work."

He walked away and D turned to me and said, "Wow, Sgt Mac, that was just mean" I asked if she heard his soul crush as I was talking to him. She agreed that she heard it crush. I had to quickly correct her, "Uhh, no you didn't hear it crush, airmen have no soul, you don't get those until you are a sgt. Now get back to work." A1C L told G that it was going to be alright as long as he fixed it. L then informed us all about a time when she almost cried from something I said after she submitted a jacked up report to me. She said that she didn't actually cry but she cried on the inside.

After G fixed the report and resubmitted it I called him over. I showed him why the second one was correct and asked if he had questions about why what he submitted before was wrong. He assured me that he had no questions. I told him to continue writing correct reports and he wouldn't be scolded anymore.

I may be a mean SOB, but Im the same mean SOB to everyone!

What's for dinner?

I made it to the hotel, however on the ride back, the manager informed me that it wasn't a hotel but a guest house. I think they took small apartments and they just rent them. Im not sure, but that is my hypothesis. The man that drove me from the airport to the 'guest house' gave me his business card so that I could call him to get back to the airport to pick up the fam. According to his business card his name is 'Yong Gun'. He can't be serious...

I asked the Young Gun if there was anywhere to get dinner. He told me there were only Korean restaurants. I was alright with this because I love Korean food. I looked around the room and decided that it was good enough for a single night's stay. So, I decided to head down to the first floor of the building to look for food. I went to the first place that I saw, this might have been a bad idea. I walked it and it was as if these people had never seen a white person before. They spoke absolutely no English. Luckily there was a former Republic of Korean (ROK) Marine around. He spoke a little bit and helped me order. He asked me what I wanted, and I said, "Bulgogi, or Galbi". I should have specified what animal I wanted... He ordered for me. The waitress brought some kimchi, a radish soup of some sort, and the big bowl of meat and veggies for the food. It looked good. I wasn't sure what kind of meat it was, but it still looked good. After about 10 or 15 minutes of it cooking, the waitress brought over a bowl, I couldn't see what was in the bowl but I did see tongs and scissors. When she got to the table she used the tongs to grab the squid that was in the bowl. She then placed the squid in the bowl of cooking deliciousness. It was still moving, until she placed it in. After putting it in she cut the tentacles off. I decided that I didn't have a choice but to eat it. I grabbed my chopsticks and started chowing down. It was difficult to grab, but I made it happen. I ate a good portion of it, but couldn't finish it all (it was a portion for 2).

I thanked the woman, told her it was good and rubbed my belly while smiling, paid my bill and left. I wish I had looked around more before going in to eat there. However, this adds to the list of animals that I've consumed!

I tried...

I tried do something nice for Mary. I scheduled for an ajuma to come to the apartment to clean it before she got home. That way she would come home to a clean home. I called my realtor Kenny and asked him if he could help me out. He said, "Sure thing Marshall, I get ajuma for you." I asked if I had to be home when she came or if she could come by while I was gone. He told me that she could come while I was at work, and that it shouldn't be an issue. I asked if she could come Monday, then I didn't have to worry about making any messes. Sunday evening I picked up some clutter and made sure that all of the laundry was done (I forgot to fold the last load).

My plan was to leave work around 3 and get on the bus at 5 to head up to the airport. When I got to the airport I was going to figure out how to get to the hotel and check-in then head back to the airport to wait for the family. I got an e-mail at about 2:30 from Kenny, it read: "Marshall, ajuma can't make it today............ maybe she come tomorrow to clean?" I called him and explained that if she could get it cleaned by 11am (about when we should be back to the apartment) that would be fine. He said that he would call me back. I didn't leave work until about 3:15, and got home around 3:30. I would have to leave by 4:30 to get to the base and catch the bus. I called Kenny when I got home and he said that the ajuma couldn't finish it by 11am, and that he was having trouble finding someone that could. I told him not to worry about it and that I would clean it (insert freak out).

I quickly cranked some music and grabbed the simple green and a rag. I started in the kitchen: I wiped down the stove, counter, water cooler, washed dishes, wiped down the sink and cleaned the sink drain like never before (F-ing gross!). Then to the bathroom, sink then toilet then shower/tub (Sorry Mary I didn't do the floor). Afterwards I had to do the other bathroom, there was no shower/tub in that one so it didn't take as long. Finally it was time for the floors. The floors are difficult here because there is so much dust. I didn't want to fumble with the broom and dustpan, so I just snagged the swiffer (Dear Swiffer Company, Thank you for making my life easier). I used the dry swiffer first (it took 2, or 3 I don't remember) and then the wet one. I only used one wet swiffer because I needed the floor dry so that I could finish getting everything ready. The house wasn't spotless, but it was good enough...

It was about 4:15, so I decided that I had time to shower. I took a quick shower and grabbed clothes for the morning, along with some baby formula, burp clothes, Mary's computer, and baby wipes. I set up Mary's anniversary gift (more to come on that after she opens it) and called a cab. While I was order the cab, I put on my shoes and zipped up my backpack. I got the trash bag and went outside.

While in the cab, I realized that I only had $4, this would be enough for a cab, but nothing else. Instead of getting the cab to the bus stop I got it to the BX, I went inside and grabbed a coke (I need my caffeine) and some pringles so that I could get cash back. I proceeded to the bus stop and there was the bus waiting for me (it was about 4:50 at this point).

I got on the bus and double checked to make sure that I had Mary's flight info and the info to check into the hotel. I realized that I forgot to get the number for the hotel shuttle bus, I triple checked my info and remembered that the website said to go to the information desk to get a pick-up, I hope it works.

I got to the airport, went to the information desk and she said that they don't have a contact number for my hotel... Uh oh... Wish me luck!

Wrong hat

This is a story from a few weeks ago:

I came into work one morning. While eating my breakfast, checking e-mail, and starting the day 2 of our NCO trainees came in. One of them I've known since I was deployed, Marty. He B-lined it straight to my cubicle and started, "Mac, I need your help and only a douche bag like you can help me with this one." I was excited to help, anytime I'm able to spread my douche-baggery, I'm game! I asked him to fill me in. He continued, "A1C W, stole my hat yesterday and I had to wear his home. I want you to do what you do best, be an asshole and make him feel like shit for me." I humbly agreed and explained my idea to them, I must admit it wasn't the best soul-crushing idea that I've ever had, but I hadn't even started my first cup of coffee when I came up with it.

The plan:

I was going to be out of pocket with the other trainees got in. Marty was going to ask about his hat and tell the Airman that I had his hat. I was going to tell the airman that the hat was in a place that didn't exist. We were going to let it ride as long as we could.

Even though it wasn't a great plan, I think we adapted it well.

The execution:

I came into the office and Marty called me over. He said, "Hey Sgt Mac, this is the Airman I was telling y..." I cut him off, "Oh this is the thief, Mr. sticky fingers, Sir steals alot? Well Airman, what do you have to say for youself? You stole an NCO's cover, that isn't a little infraction, that is a big deal." Airman W stood up to talk to me, "Uhh... Sgt McIntyre, I was told that you have my hat." As he was saying this my coffee started kicking in and I started having a better plan, continue reading to see how it all panned out. I told him that I had it, but since I didn't know who it belonged to, I sent it to the incinerator. I then quickly changed the subject, I forget where I went with it, but I had a perfect segway. When I was done with whatever I was saying, A1C W tried to say something to me but I cut him off with a comment about how I needed more coffee and since he didn't bring me any coffee I had to go get my own. I also made sure that Marty got his hat back.

I went back to my desk and did a few work things. After about 5 or 10 minutes the Airmen (there were 3 airmen, to include the thief) started getting loud with their conversation. In a normal office I would have let this slide, but since it is my job to positively influence these people, I had to shut them up. I had a stack of papers that needed to be shredded. I grabbed 1/3 of them and asked the airmen who was the oldest (I knew that A1C W was the youngest). The oldest spoke up and I handed her the stack of papers and told her to shred them and then send the next youngest to me. She shredded them and then the next guy came over, I gave him his stack. When A1C W came to get his stack, he started with, "Sgt McIntyre, can you show me where the incinerator is?" I quickly responded with, "I see no need for an incinerator, it is just a stack of papers." As I was handing him his papers he tried asking me about his hat and the incinerator. I interrupted him and told him just to use the shredder since he didn't have access to the room where the incinerator was located. I also reminded him to hurry up because I had to escort them all to another office in a few minutes.

Another 10 or 15 minutes passed and I had to get all of the trainees to take them to another office. I was gathering them all and double-checked to make sure that they all had a pen, because I feel that while at work you should always have a pen on you (see 2 posts down). When I was done I told A1C W not to worry about his hat because we weren't going outside.

I dropped them all off at that office and then went to do other stuff all around the building. When I got back from lunch Marty told me about what happened while I was gone.

Apparently W came back asking for his hat so that he could go to lunch. Marty gave him the hat back but before he did he compared the hat to a weapon, saying that if we were in a combat zone and someone left with a weapon that wasn't his or hers then they could get in a ton of trouble and possibly lose rank.

This was a huge 3 or 4 hour gig/gag, but it was a wonderful start to a morning. When the end of the day came, we made sure that W checked to make sure he had the correct hat, and we made fun of him in the days to follow. All in all, I think it wasn't a great prank, but it was a good enough prank.

Cake time? NO!

The other day I was having a stressful day. It was about 3:30 or 4, so the day was almost over. I sat down at my computer to send Mary and e-mail and clear my mind for a minute before I finished up everything for the day. All of a sudden, I hear a voice, "Umm... Sgt McIntyre, I have a question." I turn around and it is a girl that usually asks for signatures on papers, so it wasn't a big issue. I asked what I could help her with, I noticed that she didn't have anything for me to sign, but she was eating cake... She proceeded to tell me that the Wing (our 'daddy' unit) wanted some checklists. While I do use these checklists, her office is the group in charge of keeping checklists up to date. I informed her of this and she said that the Wing asked for these checklists a few weeks ago and that they needed them by the end of the day. I raised my voice and asked her why she was just now trying to get them at the last minute if she had known about the request for so long. She gave some worthless story, I didn't listen to it. I then told her where the checklists were electronically and she asked me how she could move them from one computer system to another. I told her to finish her cake and figure it out. Her response, "Ill go talk to my boss and see what she wants us to do. Then Ill come back." I raised my voice again, "GET OUT! Im not going to help you finish a task that you've known about for weeks while you eat cake, go talk to whoever the hell you want to but don't come back here, now get out."

If someone needs my help on something, even if it isn't my responsibility. I do not mind helping hem, but Im not going to rush to help someone out last minute, especially if they are stuffing their mouth full of cake while asking for help.

Being prepared

Another day in the life, well recently in my life I have been working in the training shop for my squadron. I enjoy the work that Im doing because Im able to make changes and influence how training is being accomplished. It is also my job not only as a non commissioned officer but as a trainer to make sure that the airmen are respecting rank the way that they should be and molding them into upstanding contributers to the Air Force.

Between training and other administrative work, I have found time to mentor these young Airmen. Just today I handed a young 19-year old some papers to fill out after I handed them to him he looked at me and in a nervous voice he said, "Uhh.. Sergeant, do uhh you have a uhh pen that I could borrow?" I swiftly responded, "Yes, yes I do have a pen. Because when I woke up this morning and put on this uniform I decided that I would show up to work prepared. I guess you did not... Now you'd better try and find one, and get those papers filled out." After searching for a few minutes he could not find one so I found a pen in my desk and gave it to him. After filling out the papers he handed them back to me with the pen. I told him to keep the pen and to always have one on him while in uniform.

If I ever catch him without a pen, he will be scolded and ridiculed. What can I say, that is my style...